Wank wank wank

[siannan]

Now, many of you fine people on my friend-of list have kids. As far as I am concerned, you're all good parents (because if you weren't I would dump you like...oh, like something dumpable, I'm too tired and ill today to think of a snappy simile). But you know, or oughta know by now, that Auntie does not do kids, does not want kids, and should not be left alone with kids because that is a Bad Idea. With that in mind, know that I ain't talking about any of you here.

So today there was some wankness in a friend's journal, where said friend was being criticized in a most sanctimonious fashion for...being childfree by choice. The wankmonger, oozing with Bingoisms, let this faceted turd of "wisdom" drop:

"[childfree] types of marriages seem to me curiously barren." YA-DUH. Barren of the crap that I do not want or need. I could wax rhapsodic about the abject misery and dissatisfaction I see with so many childed families. I would rather be barren of that kind of distress, thank you very much; since my proverbial cup runneth over with the delight and companionship that J. and I have nurtured and revel in.

Then there was this kick in the tuchas:

"children...are a tie to eternity."

ORLY.

It's this level of smug "my genes are precious little snowflakes that must be preserved no matter how diluted the DNA profile gets" egotism that cracks me up.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR ANCESTORS, much less SANG HOSANNAHS THAT THEY DECDED TO FUCK ONE FINE DAY? I don't even know the names of my great-grandparents, ferchrissake. My grandparents? 3/4 of them were idiots. My parents were a couple of social rejects; societal demands made my father stay married to a woman he initially settled for (not knowing he could have done better) and ended up despising and cohabiting with for 40+ years of non-communicative hell.

So yeah, I don't dance a merry jig of gratitude to my progenitors, and I think its the ultimate in narcissism to believe that having kids is some ersatz guarantee of immortality.

Carve your name in a rock. Then bury it. It'll be around longer, and it won't eat up your IRA.

Comments

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

I have yet to ever hear someone give me a NON-selfish reason to have kids. My reasons for not wanting kids are also purely selfish. I don't like them, I'd be really resentful of them for screwing up my life, etc.

Damn that post was seriously the most action my LJ has seen since like...EVER. I knew the gay marriage post would set off a shitstorm. But somehow it turned from "gay marriage is bad" to "you're not psychologically whole since you're adopted." WTF? K.

I should do that more often!

Edit: Don't forget these little bits of wisdom:

"It's even funnier that the more child-free a person thinks, probably the better a parent they would be if they chose to be one."

"Nonexistence is not preferrable to a dminished life, unless the diminishment is catastrophic." (Um, if you're NON-EXISTENT, how can that be preferable to a diminished life if you're NOT EXISTING? logic does not compute.)

"You might be a lot less miserable than you think, actually. I'm guessing your parents found some joy at least in raising you. If not, i apologize, but that's a defect in them. ... Iknow everything goes belly-up eventually, but children connect us to the immortality of human experience. They connect you to communities..your city matters when you have kids, your neighbors matter. Things you watch and read matter. Ideas matter." (I don't even think I have to explain the fuckery inherent in this statement.)

"Moz, also for child free, i've never told you this, but I disagree with it. Even to the name: children are not a burden to be free of." (Which is funny, because the guy saying this is single with no kids, and I don't see him jumping at the opportunity to volunteer with kids in his spare time AT ALL if he thinks they're so fucking wonderful.)

And other bits of wisdom about how gay people can't raise kids because it's not ideal, and the poly community are just silly people who don't know what real love is.

OKAY! YOU STAY CLASSY!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Totally true. Since deciding whether or not to have kids is related to personal preference, it is ALWAYS a selfish decision. One way or the other.

Everyone knows that queers raise pansy babies, duh. Recruiting the next generation at birth!

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

At least you're not a queer GUY, everyone knows that they're all into NAMBLA-incest and making their sons dress up like Shirley Temple and twirl batons!

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Also watch The Wizard of Oz over and over.

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

And streisand musicals. Especially Funny Lady.

WHO THE FUCK WATCHES FUNNY LADY?

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

Yentl > Funny Lady

My mom still cries every time she watches The Way We Were.

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

*takes off her glove, caresses your face*

"Hubble..."

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

He also had some choice tidbits to tell me about how my relationship with my parents isn't "whole" because I'm adopted, and am therefore missing that "bond" with both of my birthparents or some shit. Because, you know, parents who adopt kids and spend thousands of dollars to adopt them really don't want them. Nevermind the fact that the majority of the abuse cases we hear about are perpetrated by parents who are blood-related to their kids. OKAY!

I love when people tell me about my life experience like they've been living it for me and therefore know ALL about it! It really just smacks of assholery.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

People are idiots.

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

Which is generally why I subscribe to the idea of hating everyone. :D

[hep.livejournal.com]

god these people have it so wrong. children are a future army for razing those who criticized you and destroying all who stand before you. eternity my ass, these are SHOCK TROOPS.

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

I totally will carry water for your army, woman. OMG. Those pics you posted earlier in the week made me so happy.

Speaking of which, WE DEMAND CHICKIE PIX!

[morganastar.livejournal.com]

When will people understand that not everyone wants to spawn? Maybe if there wasn't that constant "why aren't you having kids?"/"But youll grow to love it, it will be your own!" pressure people wouldn't be abandoning and neglecting children they're not equipped to care for.

I know I would never be able to give up my time, I'm a selfish bitch, I like my alcohol and my gaming addiction and I don't want to share my apartment with a grubby little kid. I have nothing but respect for people who can be good parents and raise responsible human beings, but I know I wouldn't be one of them.

Cats instinctively pee in litter boxes and that's good enough for me.

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my best friend's mom loved her so much that she poisoned her repeatedly for the first five years of her life and broke her arms twice due to twisting them around and throwing her into walls. She really grew to love her daughter! Until her father (THANK GODS) finally got custody of her back in the mid-80's.

Andrea Yates and Susan Smith loved their kids, too! So do all the "parents" out here in Arizona who "forget" their children in cars in the summertime and kill their kids. "OHHHH BUT I FORGOT MY TODDLER WAS BACK THERE, REALLY!"

[morganastar.livejournal.com]

That's horrible, your poor friend =/

I always wondered like.. maybe people like Andrea Yates just weren't SUPPOSED to be parents.

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

Oh, her Dipshit Egg Donor as we call her did many stupid and abusive things.

The person auntiesiannan is talking about up there started adoption wank with me which is how this fuckery all started. It was fun! Of course he didn't respond at all to my adoption rant post, and that makes me sad.

[mermil.livejournal.com]

I HATE people who assume people who don't want to have kids are somehow abnormal. I happen to like my OWN kid, personally, but I have no patience for people who consider parenthood a reason for smugness. Here's a crazy thought: how about everyone mind their own fucking business and attempt to be decent and non-judgy to one another? I know, call me nuts.

[cathain.livejournal.com]

I have FOUR (count 'em) kids. Loved it. Wouldn't wish it on anyone else. They drove (drive) me nuts. I worry about them all the time. Odd thing is it's the 36 year old and the 30 year old I worry about the most.
That said, I NEEDED childless friends when they were growing up. I needed the escape pod of temporarily child free, be it free babysitting (if they were into kids) or childfree space I could hang out in. You people are my gods.
Hilary's favorite saying used to be, "It takes a village...". Well where the hell would I be if some of that village wasn't childfree?

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

I went through a phase as a teenager where I really wanted a baby when I was about fourteen. My parents found a couple who needed a nanny during the day. So from 7 AM - 7 PM for about a month, I took care of their four month old and their two year old.

...yeah, that experience knocked those feelings out of me right fast. It was the best birth control EVER. And they were well-behaved kids who I didn't have to worry about taking off all their clothes and running naked down the street.

My dad's got six kids, including me, all the way from 26 (me) to 45 (my oldest brother). Oy.

We love being your gods, and not all of us are child-hating asshats who think that children shouldn't see the light of day. I went through that vehement phase a while ago. Now I'm just kind of like, "Meh. I can't not run into kids in public, so I may as well just STFU." And wanting to be a children's advocate once I get out of law school kind of precludes child-hating.

[cathain.livejournal.com]

My two older kids (both girls) lost their dad (he died) when they were 12 and 7. The one man who stepped into the breach and became their surrogate "dad" was a gay man I had become close friends with several years before and was actually their honest to god godfather. Like the good Irishwoman I was I had them christened in THE CHURCH and he was godfather to both of them. He took them over to his house and had pizza delivered and they watched videos or played in his backyard pool. He had no problem being his sweet flaming self around them and they played with jewelry and makeup. They hung out at the mall together and window shopped. He adored "his girls" and they adored him. He died from AIDS when they were 20 and 16. The loss was different but in some ways they lost their "dad" all over again. He wasn't necessarily childfree by choice but society of the '80's forced him to be. He was a very sweet and loving man and I am so happy that my daughters got to be influenced by him.

[ragabashtule.livejournal.com]

I guess you missed the memo that gay people are horrible when it comes to being around kids. They're all pedophiles, donchaknow! </sarcasm>

I'm really sorry to hear that he died. That's horrible, and must have been incredibly tragic for them and you. :/

[voodoukween.livejournal.com]

huge pet peeve: people who procreate for ego's sake. then raise their kid's for their ego's sake. it is far more common than anyone wants to admit.

not meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! no more of meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!