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I have this cafe-au-lait birthmark on my left knee. About the size of a thumbprint, and vaguely football shaped. Me mudder used to fucking OBSESS over it whenever I went to the pediatrician. EVERY DAMN TIME it would be poking at my knee and shrilling "Oh, will she get cancer? Do you think she will get cancer there? IS IT CANCEROUS? CANCER CANCER CANCER GAHHHH CANCER! CANCERRRRRR!!!!" and Dr. Teddy Bear would be all "would you STFU already you stupid yenta?"

Seriously, the crazy bitch was always fretting over CANCER. When she finally got it she acted all shocked and I was like "Oh, big whoop, you weren't doing anything with that tit anyway."