Atook Zug Zug Lana!

[siannan]

I finally got around to reading the latest and final installment of Jean M. Auel's Earth's Children series, The Land of Painted Caves. 749 pages and I still had to look up what the title was, sheesh. It's been out for over a year so I am not gonna give spoiler warnings.

Okay. Ayla gets stoned, has a miscarriage, and invents patriarchy. Meanwhile Jondalar has been getting some side tail from that one cave bitch that hates Ayla for no reason. Ayla finds out about this and gets drunk on Cro-magnon absinthe and has sex with the scuzzy deadbeat dad guy who makes the beer, which causes Jondalar to flip out and beat beer guy almost to death while yelling "HE'S MAKING MY BABY" thus crediting Ayla with inventing Maury Povich. Ayla then gets stoned again and almost dies of an OD on magic root juice but Jondalar realizes he LOVES HER and they invent monogamy after he brings her back from the dead with the guiding light of his TWOO LOVE. They also invent the word "father" and there's a big multi-cave forum where the men all try to figure out if they should be on the hook for being babydaddies or not.

I am not making any of this up. Interspersed is a six year long walking tour of every inhabited cave of Dordogne, France. Oh, and Ayla invents the Hoverround scooter, kind of, because their fat Zelandonii is too fat to walk everywhere so they pull her behind them on a travois.

And yes, they share PLEASURES, and eat cattail roots, because there are always PLEASURES and cattail roots. Ken and Barbie Cro-Mag ride off into the sunset on their little steppe horses with their pet wolf that never seems to age and that's the end of the mess.

I was hoping they would revisit the gay Zelandonii from the whateverteenth cave and Ayla could take credit for discovering anal sex but no dice.

Comments

[notargent.livejournal.com]

I think that synopsis must be much better than the actual book. ,)

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

I didn't even make anything up, man. It's all there.

[halogin.livejournal.com]

You know, I keep thinking I should read that book just so I'll have read it, as I own the others, but...ehhhh I couldn't even get around to it when I had the book on loan from the library. I lost interest when they left the Mamutoi, and even then my favorite was still the parts of Valley of Horses where Ayla was alone earning her Wilderness Girl badges.

[auntiesiannan.livejournal.com]

Jondalar is such a dick. She should've stayed with Ranec and made mocha bebes.