"I love you, Spartacus."

[siannan]

Pagan Mike is one of hubby's co-workers. He also annoys the hell out of me for some reason, but that's nothing new. Most Pagans annoy the hell out of me, especially when they gush on about Silver Ravenwolf books and other fluffysparklebunny crap that Llewellyn publishes.

So P.M. has been seeing this half-assed Christian chick for about a month. Maybe less. I say half-assed because she has no problem schtupping him regularly, but will wail about her love for Jeeeeeeebus at the drop of a Bible. Last night she pipes up to him and says "Would you mind stopping practicing your religion? Because it bugs me."

I mean, he was gonna dump her anyway because she hates his cat, but what kind of a fuckly thing is THAT to ask of a person?

Unfortunately he was dumbfounded and just gave her the eyeball. My rejoinder would have been "What, since you don't practice yours, Whore of Babylon?" or "Okay, I was planning on becoming a Heavy Metal Satanist anyway" or "KLAATU BARADA NIKTO" something similarly inflammatory. Then I would've tied her to a chair and played Stairway to Heaven backwards until she spat pesto.

I told hubby that he should have P.M. call me and I can instruct him on the art of the hatefuck. The best hatefuck ever is in Kirk Douglas' autobiography, where he pounds it to some uppity antisemitic bitch and tells her "THIS IS A CIRCUMCISED JEWISH PENIS INSIDE YOU. YOU ARE BEING FUCKED BY A JEW!" and she's so out of it with lust for his chin dimple that she just moans as he shoots his Hebrew load into her Restricted Community.

Comments

[mountain-hiker.livejournal.com]

What a cunt. I would have been like, "Yeah, I'll stop practicing my religion if you stop subjugating the entirety of Central and South American Native culture with your fucking missionaries. Oh, and by the way, if you can also cease the starting of the world's longest, bloodiest wars and tell your president to fuck the hell off, it'd be much appreciated."

[drownedinink.livejournal.com]

Mine would be: "Wait, don't many people in your religion preach that the man is the head of the household? Shouldn't YOU be giving up your religion FOR ME?"

[surreality.livejournal.com]

I told hubby that he should have P.M. call me and I can instruct him on the art of the hatefuck.

Yes. Indeed. He definitely should have gone there. I'm usually not quite that bitter, but yes, he should.

(This being said by the girl who went to her asshole ex's college graduation with hair gel a la "There's Something About Mary" from someone else. You could actually see it in the photo in which his mother had her arm wrapped around my shoulder with a plastic smile.)

Sometimes, it's necessary.

[judecorp.livejournal.com]

Dude, Llewellyn people seriously give me the heebie-jeebies.

[goldorak.livejournal.com]

The poor kitty doesn't need those christian hate vibes anyhow. The creepy arrogance of the cross cult never fails to make me nauseous.